And The Wall Came Tumbling Down

I ran into an old acquaintance last week, someone I hadn't seen since he and his family had moved to Israel a few years ago. I asked about his wife and kids, told him to send my love, and he asked, "Aren't you on Facebook?"

No, I told him. Facebook makes me nervous.  Too many privacy issues.

He snorted.  "Get over it.  Move into the 21st century."

A week later I caved. And don't think I didn't get teased about it.

It wasn't just the encounter with Yoni, though it was certainly the final push over the cliff.  It wasn't a sudden decision, though I did just get up one morning and do it. I had been thinking about it for a few months. Friends had been asking me join for years (in fact, I had four friend requests waiting the minute I showed my face). My main reservation, as I said, was the privacy issues. Facebook is notorious for letting people see information that you would rather keep private, as well as sharing info with advertisers and other third parties. I set my privacy settings to the highest, yet a friend using a fake page was able to see my profile, my interests, everything but my wall, because there are two sets of settings and I only saw one. That bothers me; had I not figured out how to fix it, my e-mail address would have been accessible to strangers and spammers. Canada has insisted that Facebook comply with Canadian privacy standards, but I don't think they really have. And if you truly want to be frightened off Facebook, just read this article at TechRepublic.com.

Yet in spite of my better judgement, there I am.  As one old friend re-connecting wrote on my wall, "Peer pressure does it again!!!"  And it was immediately clear to me what makes Facebook the addictive waste of time it is.

First, you are hit with an enormous number of friend suggestions, at least in the beginning. As I said, there were four people waiting for me to join. The minute I accepted their requests, suggestions poured in.  Current friends, old friends, family... although so far I haven't "friended" anyone I couldn't have found by calling  someone I'm already in touch with. I did search a few people whom I can't find through existing relationships, but either they are not on Facebook, or they have names like John Smith, with hundreds of matches.  You need at least a city of residence to narrow it down.  Still, after the first day, I went to bed with 30 friends (and woke up with 31). That's probably pathetic by FB standards, but it was still kind of cool.

Second, there is an insane amount of information to sift through. The "news feed" shows you everything that's been posted by anyone, even non-friends, to every friend's page-- and whatever your friends have posted everywhere as well. If you have hundreds of friends, that's a lot of shit in one day. And you can unwittingly add to this by putting too much information on your profile. I figured if I'm doing this, I'm doing it right, and listed my favourite books, TV shows, movies, and the only sports team I care about, the Toronto Blue Jays. Suddenly, my news feed is covered in promos for True Blood, In Treatment, and announcements from the Blue Jay’s management, not to mention all the dogs needing foster homes from an animal rescue site. (There's a way to turn that off, I just have to do it.)  All this extraneous unwanted stuff almost made me miss the fact that my friend got a new wig.

Finally, there is the social element (duh).  Facebook is clearly trying to take over all communication on the Web. I have a number of friends who communicate almost exclusively through Facebook. An e-mail sent to one of them might not get answered for days. There's on-line chat to replace MSN, messaging to replace e-mail, and of course, constant status updates on everyone's walls. Plus the games. I'm not going near the games. I waste enough time in my day as it is.

This post took much longer to write than it should have because every minute or two, something happened on Facebook.  I couldn't write; I was too busy discussing a friend's upcoming trip to the bakery with her and three other people (one of whom I don't even know), while messaging someone else at the same time. And don't forget the updates.  "Bozo the Clown has accepted your friend request."  "You are now friends with Bozo the Clown and two other people."  Personal comments on the wall.  Articles in the news feed to pique your interest.  A reminder of a friend's birthday (thank you FB, it's now in my real calendar, so I can remind myself next year).

The public nature of the platform is scary. Obviously I don't care if people know I like the Blue Jays. By all means let's moan about the weather, or share a funny video from YouTube. However, there are certain things I won't be sharing.  You won't see status updates every five minutes. You won't see pictures of my kids. I won't tell you about all the jobs I apply for and don't get.  I won't swear on someone's wall, where everyone can see it (I'll save that for private messaging, e-mail, and real life).  And it won't supplant the long, chatty e-mails to my penpal in London (hmmm, should check to see if she's on Facebook....)

I've never been shy, as my long-time friends will attest (cue "remember when she...?" stories).  I still enjoy public speaking, I still love socializing and being evil and all those fun things. If I was still 20, I bet I'd have a million pictures up, and live my life in the public eye without a second thought.  But I try for a little discretion in my old age (trying doesn't mean succeeding, mind you).  We should all know by now that some things can come back to bite us; just ask Kimberly Swann and Ray Lam. It seems obvious not to tell the world that your job is "boring," or put pictures of yourself being stupid on the Internet, but Facebook gives the illusion that you're just talking to friends.  You think no one's going to tell, but really, you've told on yourself.  Careers have been ruined, or failed to get off the ground; employers now routinely check Facebook pages before calling for an interview. And while I can decide how much I want to show, if my sister elects to put up a naked baby picture of me and tag it with my name, there's not much I can do.

The Spouse has told me, "Just have fun with it!" and I intend to. I'll just assume that everything I put up will be seen by all 500 million users, and act accordingly.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I see I have a message waiting.